Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
