Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
