White coat. Heels.
Yo dont text me then not text me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
