I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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