My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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