I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
