meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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