dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
