I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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