So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
