it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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