i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I die, sorry about rent.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
