It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize