I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize