So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
