If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I had to cum in my sink.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
