Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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