OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
