Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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