I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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