dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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