There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
