You made me cry and you don't even care
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just pee around me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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