On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
