Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
