I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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