i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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