come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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