i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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