Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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