He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
