its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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