I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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