Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need to calm my uterus...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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