Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
