My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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