he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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