everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
