just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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