I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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