i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
