Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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