I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
