we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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