Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
