My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You pole danced in your parka.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
