The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
