you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
