do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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