you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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