I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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