I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize