She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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