ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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