I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize