Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
