"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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