When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
