I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
