If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
