I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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