I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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