Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't notice because vodka
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
