I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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