I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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