I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
