We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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