did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
