When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
