am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
