Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
