There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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