Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
