Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
