My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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