Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
