it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
