I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
