jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
