He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
