I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
