Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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