I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
