u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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