you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
