Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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