Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
